麻煩仔

(警告：本文內容包含成人情節，屬於家長指引級別。)

bc Magazine vs. HK Magazine

HK Magazine（週刊）以外，本地另一份免費英文雜誌是 bc Magazine（雙週刊）。兩份雜誌都以 Expats 為服務對象，內容亦大同小異，例牌菜包括：影評、食經、消費指南以及文娛節目推介。派發地點同樣是兩大連鎖咖啡店（Starbucks 和 Pacific Coffee)、部份英文書店以及個別演藝場地。

兩份刊物的分別是：HK Magazine 本土化的程度比較高，內容緊貼香港社會脈搏，文字風格亦比較統一，也有較多的華人作者（例如：陶傑以及許多 ABC）。如果你是土生土長的香港人，在主流學校唸書，學得一口典型的港式英語，對你來說 HK Magazine 應該比較容易入手。(註：這個博客對於 HK Magazine 的評論，存放於 2009 年4 月的檔案夾內。)

相比之下，bc Magazine 的文字風格欠統一，不少作者各師各法，所用的英文極富個人特色（香港主流學校的英文老師會認為不合標準），明顯地沒有兼顧到以英文為第二語言的本地讀者，典型的香港大學生應該不容易明白。

bc Magazine 的中間開頁通常是「派對醉貓照」(Drunken party pictures)　——　男男女女、八國聯軍、扮鬼扮馬、攬頭攬頸、舉杯暢飲、歡樂時光，看上去好像取自國際學校學生的 Facebook 。如果你是極端的民族主義者（例如：國產憤青）又或者是小心眼的本地人，你會覺得這份雜誌是 For expats only 。

鬼佬插港女

bc Magazine 我通常只看影評和藝評、個別的人物專訪以及最後一頁的專欄 Troublesome Boy（麻煩仔）。麻煩仔的網址是 http://mafanjai.bcmagazine.net/　而 bc Magazine 的網址是http://www.bcmagazine.net/，在左邊的Contents 點擊最下面的 mafanjai，亦可以讀到麻煩仔的文章。不過 bc Magazine 的網頁更新得慢，這方面 HK Magazine 做得比較好。

麻煩仔從 Expat 的角度，寫男女關係、跨種族愛情、跨文化溝通以及對港式生活的種種觀察。不管作者是真正的鬼佬還是由 ABC 所假冒，以香港人的保守和偽善程度，麻煩仔的言論算得上大膽又或者是充滿偏見。他對港女非常不客氣，粗俗的說法是「狂插」。他的文章會令港男叫好，港女火滾。以下的文字，節錄自他的專欄。

例子一 (Aug 13, 2009)：

She scoffed at his behaviour as so typical of a local Chinese guy: passive, acquiescent and evasive, preferring to avoid confrontation and get back to his video games than have a real conversation.

Chinese girls are only spoilt little prima donnas because guys have let them get away with throwing tantrums for far too long. If you treat a girl like a princess or a China doll too long, it is only understandable that she will grow to expect it.

My plea is simple – guys, don’t let them be your boss. Deep down it’s not want they want anyway. Girls want you to take charge, man up and make the decisions – they’ve just got a really funky way of showing it.

Most of these girls are all bark and no bite anyway, but even the yapping can drive you crazy. If you show a little assertiveness, she’ll soon pipe down and realize she actually has to be likeable to be liked and your world will quickly become more beautiful. Either that or she’ll dump you, in which case – hey ! – she wasn’t the right girl for you anyway and it’s time to stick on the AV !

中譯（大意）：兄弟們，千祈唔好縱壞你條女！唔好俾條臭西騎住你！

例子二 (May 1, 2009)：

Sex is not love, sex is a hobby, an activity, an amusing pastime. Sex is a way of stroking your ego, rather than stroking yourself. When it is enjoyed with someone you love it can be a harmonious and beautiful coupling that transcends literary description, but if it’s with someone you just met whose name you can’t remember, it can still be plenty of fun.

What perplexed me in this particular situation was that my poor, bewildered friend regarded this post-coital rejection as not a gender issue, but rather a cultural one. Being a wholesome homegrown Hong Kong girl, she instantly deduced that this strange emotionally detached trait must be some gweilo thing.

The insinuation from this local girl seems to be that in typical Hong Kong dating terms, an agreement is made to “be a couple” first, and then sex comes later. As endearing and touchingly naïve as that sounds, she was also being completely honest. She insists that this is the norm, and quite clearly doesn’t go out to same bars I do.

Who would agree to be somebody’s boyfriend before sleeping with them first ? It would be like buying a car without taking it for a test drive – it’s just common sense.

Sex is simply another step in the “getting-to-know-you” stage of dating. It is not a declaration of love but simply a desire to see the other person naked, to let off some steam and simply to have some fun ! Provided you ignore the Pope’s recent nonsensical ramblings and pad up before you go in to bat, there should be no harm done. Ladies, you never know, if it all goes well you may find yourself in a relationship and living happily ever after, but he may also never call you again. That isn’t because he’s a gweilo – he’s just not that into you.

中譯（大意）：我搞你唔代表我愛你，更加唔代表我會娶你！我搞你，純粹係因為搞嘢好過癮，而且女人同車一樣，未試過點揀得落手 ?　

跟北姑過招

麻煩仔縱橫情場慾海，跟北姑（港式粵語：大陸女人）也有一手。他跟北姑的相處之道，值得港男學習。北姑跟港女一樣，都是典型的中國女人，都喜歡迫男人表態，又或者玩迫婚，且看麻煩仔如何拆招：

例子三 (Oct 1, 2009)：

I know a girl in Guangzhou who once told me, “I’m getting married next year !” “Who’s the lucky fella ?” I asked, only for her to respond, “I don’t know yet, but my family are giving me a lot of pressure, so I’ve got to find a good guy quickly.” Needless to say I hightailed it out of there before she got any ideas, but this Chinese attitude towards marriage can be so contradictory sometimes. Get married quickly, doesn’t really matter who to, as long as they’re rich. But then the girl gets all uppity when it’s not the romantic deal she’d been imagining since her childhood.

Sure, I understand the girl wants some security. She needs to know it she is wasting her time with me, or whether I’m a good investment. But hey, that’s something she needs to answer for herself. I’m open and honest, she knows who the real me is, what I want to achieve and how I plan to live my life. If she’s happy with that, then what’s there to talk about ? If she doesn’t like the way things are going, then she knows where the door is.

In response, I ask her a simple question – “Are you happy ?” and if the answer is yes, then end of discussion. Who knows either of us is going to feel in a week, a month or a year’s time. As long as things are going well for the time being, why rock the boat ?

中譯（大意）：結婚？發夢無咁早！今日唔知聽日事，大家 Happy 咪一齊囉！唔 Happy ？你知道門口係邊度架啦！

中國男人死要臉，香港報章裡面的「嫖妓指南」的作者（俗稱「肥龍」或者「骨精強」），通常都講到自己所向無敵，金槍不倒，可以連馭數女，夜夜激戰三百回合，令夜之女雙眼反白、口吐白沫、慘叫求饒，諸如此類。這方面，麻煩仔比較老實，他曾經被一位喜歡玩 SM 的深圳姑娘嚇怕，結果舉手投降、捲著床單落荒而逃。由於內容太過三級，不便轉載。這篇文章（日期：Sept 17, 2009 ）講到麻煩仔跟女伴進行狂野的性愛遊戲，其中一件輔助工具是 Tabasco 辣椒醬，絕對是 Hot and spicy 。想知有幾激，全文見：

http://www.bcmagazine.net/hk.bcmagazine.issues/bcmagazine_webissue288/31-mafanjai.shtml

人工環境

年輕人學英文，色情文學是捷徑，至少可以令他們不怕查字典。麻煩仔的文章以兩性關係為題材，又有跨文化溝通的元素，適合作為高中的英文科、性教育或者通識科的教材。用來做小組討論的材料，肯定唔會悶親細路（小朋友）。

舉例：最新一期　(Jan 1, 2010)　的麻煩仔寫作者跟空姐拍拖的心得，文章從男性的角度出發，分析跟空姐談戀愛的利弊，以及具體說明空姐的工作性質如何影響她們的感情生活。空姐是不少女孩子的理想職業，也是無數男孩子的性幻想對象，這篇英文文章，小朋友應該有興趣的。全文見：http://mafanjai.bcmagazine.net/

網上其實有不少免費的英文教材，題材生活化，具備趣味性，但是由於「政治不正確」(Politically Incorrect)，無法通過本地的教育官僚以及教會學校的自我審查。香港號稱享有言論以及學術自由，但客觀現實是，就算是大學裡面的文化研究課程，要進行性別或者同性戀研究，亦困難重重。

從小學到大學，香港的主流學校多年來致力於塑造一個與世隔絕、無毒無性以及無色無味的人工環境，用來囚禁孩子以及降低失業率。從實驗室走出來的，就算不是科學怪人，也是呆呆板板的廢人，缺乏面對複雜社會的能力，因此特別容易感染各種奇難雜症。

難怪有點閒錢的家長，都爭相把孩子往國際學校或者外國送，寧願隻眼開隻眼閉，由得他們被鬼仔鬼妹教壞，飲酒吸毒兼濫交，然後把親密照片上載到 Facebook 。沒有錢送孩子到外國升學的家長，唯有眼白白看著他們在本地大學的迎新營中跟新同學玩不文遊戲，一次過發洩成長期間累積的性壓抑，然後被校方發信警告，以及被有份推動淫賤風氣的主流傳媒聲討。

小圖： bc Magazine 的封面 (May 1, 2009)

09/01/2010